Gone
by xHanaMitchx
Summary: When Sam goes missing, Tom is distraught. Was it something he said? Something he did? And when he uncovers the truth, will he realise that there is a lot more to Sam than anyone could have ever thought...
1. Chapter 1: Gone

**Notes and disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. Everything else belongs to the BBC.**

**Set after Broken Heart Syndrome, a little story about Sam and Tom's relationship.**

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Gone. She was gone. Not gone round the corner, not gone to the pub. Just gone. And nobody knew where. Nobody knew why. Sam Nicholls, the strong and fierce army medic. The beautiful, fiery doctor. And as he called her, his own special name, she was the only woman he had truly fallen in love with. And if he had ever known, that he might have pushed her away, that he might be the reason that she was missing, then he would have never done what he did.

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**So, what do you think, please review, all constructive criticism is welcome. NOTE: This is a flash forward, the next chapter will be set the day before, hope that helped you understand the chapter more. Also I know this is short but I really felt this is how it should be. Next chapter will be longer, I promise!**

**Thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2: The Argument

**Here's the second chapter! Thank you to everyone who reviewed, you support is much appreciated. I don't know how frequent my updates will be, but I wanted to get this one up ASAP because the first chapter was really short. Anyway enjoy reading!**

Their relationship wasn't the best, he must admit. She had been pushing him away for weeks and he didn't know why. He didn't want their relationship to just be a one-off or just a chance to have a bit of fun. He was serious about this, and he thought she was too. Maybe today will be different, he thought.  
As he walked through the ED entrance, he scanned for Sam, knowing she would probably be somewhere else, but not wanting to miss her. He quickly changed into his scrubs and went to find where Sam was. On bumping into Zoe, he asked,

"Zoe, have you seen Sam anywhere, I needed to talk to her."

Zoe smirked, it was obvious that Tom really cared about Sam.

"Sorry Tom, I don't know where she is but I saw her talking to Nick earlier, try asking him."

With that Tom walked off to find Nick.

He'd been seeing Mr Jordan a lot lately, what with Yvonne falling ill. Tom knew that he was still quite fragile after Yvonne's death, so he approached him cautiously.

"Zoe said you were talking to Sam earlier, do you know where she is?" Tom questioned

"Actually yes, she went out with Dixie and Jeff to a quarry or something; they needed a doctor and she volunteered." Nick replied, wondering why Tom might be asking.

"Oh, okay umm.. thanks" Tom replied, although dissapointment was evident in his voice. Every time Sam went out, she would always come back injured, emotionally scarred or sometimes both. Like when she came form that cave, she looked drained - emotionally and physically. He didn't want that to happen again.

He heard someone call across reception, breaking him out of his thoughts.

" Tom, child coming in _with _Sam." Zoe called knowing that knowing Tom would be pleased that Sam was back.

He went and stood outside while Sam and Dixie unloaded the boy. Sam was limping, he could see that. He knew she wouldn't want any attention, so he didn't say anything but he made a mental note to check on her later.

Tom was walking through cubicles when he heard a slight groan. On close inspection he realised it was Sam. Feeling a smile play on his lips, Tom swiftly opened and close the curtain behind him.

"What do we have here? A peeping Tom?" Sam commented, clearly not particularly pleased by his presence.

"Need any help?" Tom asked, politely.

"Nope"

"Come on, it's not like I haven't seen it all before-"

"Alright keep your voice down" Sam interrupted, annoyed.

"All I said was, IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVEN'T SEEN IT ALL BEFORE!" Tom shouted, knowing that that Sam would give in rather than cause further embarrassment.

"Okay, okay you can help" Sam said, only letting him help because he couldn't cause her any further embarrassments.

"You seem to think I don't have a right to care about you" Tom half questioned, half stated.

"Why would you? After you flung me off to have a pint with Fletch and all the other men!" Sam retaliated.

"Oh come on Sam, it wasn't like that." Tom argued back.

"Well what was it like then? Because it seems to me that whenever you forget about something you were going to do with me it's not a problem but when I suddenly have other things to do, you act like a little lost puppy!" Sam almost screamed.

By now the argument had gotten quite heated, and had attracted the attention of staff and patients. By vote, Zoe had been chosen as the one to go in and calm things down.

"Now, you two if you won't stop arguing then I will have to insist that you get-"

"Don't worry, I'm not staying" Sam stormed out, but not before throwing a venomous glance in Tom's direction.

"What was that about?" Zoe questioned.

"I really don't know." Tom mumbled, baffled by Sam's sudden outburst.

"Well I suggest you talk to her."

"I will just not yet." Tom answered, not really wanting to talk to Sam but knowing that Zoe was probably right.

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**Thanks for reading and as always, reviews are always welcome!**


	3. Chapter 3: Phone Call

**Okay next chapter! Thanks for all the great reviews and I hope you keep reading! I'm writing a bit a day now because I hardly have any homework, but as year goes on, it might change and vary so my updates might be a bit irregular. Anyways, enjoy!**

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As he sat down, his hands were shaking. He didn't know why he was so nervous, it wasn't like he was breaking up with her or anything. He'd been thinking about her all through his shift, so much that it got to the point where Zoe told him to go home before he kills a patient. He'd grabbed his stuff and waited for Sam to finish her shift before realising she wasn't there. He assumed she'd gone home; he hadn't seen her since she stormed out. When he arrived at his flat he fumbled with the keys before finally managing to unlock his front door. Even though he lived in a flat, it was a fairly large size, and he loved the peace and quiet of living on the too floor. Sam loves that too, he thought. Whenever they wanted to go out, they would always end up coming back to his flat and usually spend the night to. He decided to call her before he backed out, again, he took a swig of coffee and waited for the phone to start ringing.

_Bring-Bring...Bring-Bring...Bring-Bring..._

"Come on Sam, please pick up." Tom whispered under his breath. He always hated it when the phone rang but nobody would pick it up.

_"This is Sam Nicholls phone, sorry I missed your call, please leave a message..._

"Uhh, hi it's umm Tom, well you've actually probably worked that out by now, but yeah anyway, just well, well just call me back when you get this message, uhh...bye!" Tom blurted before slamming the phone down in frustration.

Why did he always have to mess things up? Why couldn't he just talk to her like anybody else? He loved her, but sometimes he felt so nervous around her that he ended up doing things he shouldn't. He knew he shouldn't have blew her off for another drink at the Pub, she'd had enough rejection from Dylan. Imagine coming into your first day at work, and the first person you know and recognise chooses to ignore you! I honestly don't know what she saw in him. She's always told me that it was a mistake, but secretly I know that she's always thought of Dylan as a safe harbour. Ever since she came back to Holby after being refused by the Army, Dylan has always been a comfort point for her. She regrets those divorce papers, I know it. Not because it meant that she would break up with Dylan, but because she knew that he would think she wants him out of her life. I've seen her trying, almost pleading even, to talk to him about their relationship, but he just close up. And it breaks my heart, when I see that rejected, sad look on her face. She acts strong but underneath, inbetween those small moments with Dylan, her shell breaks and the real her emerges, even for a second, but it's enough. Enough to see how much she hurts inside. All those feelings that she never shows. All that pain, just bottled up. And now I realise what I have done. What may seem nothing to somebody else, may seem huge to Sam.

So I call her back, and wait for an answer.

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**I just realised about halfway through, that I changed from speaking in the first person to third person. I didn't really want to change it, because I think it sounds better, so from now on everything will be in third person apart from Tom's main thoughts and feelings. I know it may be confusing but I'll try to make it as simple as possible. Thanks for reading!**

**Hannah xx**


	4. Chapter 4: No Reply

**Here's the fourth chapter! I know where I'm going with this, but if anyone has anything they would like to see, please suggest. As I said, I do have a plot, but I'm sure ideas could be incorporated in some way. I only recently got this account, and have just discovered what PM means, so now I can finally say, feel free to PM me! ****Oh, and thanks for all the great reviews, they mean a lot! Anyways, enjoy! :)**

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**_(Tom's POV)_**

I woke up to sunlight streaming through the window. I checked the clock: _7:45. _Shit. Only 30 minutes till my shift starts. I grabbed my phone and checked my messages. Still no word from Sam. I didn't know if I should be worried; she'd never done anything like this before. Would ringing her just annoy her? Or would she like it? But what if she-? These questions plagued my mind for another 5 minutes, and before I knew it, I had 10 minutes to have breakfast and drive work. I quickly grabbed a breakfast bar, a saviour for busy men on a tight schedule, and headed to the car.

I arrived about 7 minutes late, and was ready to face a grilling from Zoe.

" Tom you're late! And on the note, have you seen Sam this morning, she didn't turn up for her shift-" Zoe stopped, noticing the look on Tom's face. " Tom, are you alright?" She questioned.

"Sam's not here!?" Tom half asked, half stated.

"No, she's not. Tom is something wrong?"

"She hasn't texted me, rang or replied to any post on Facebook or Twitter!" Tom exclaimed.

" Woah, slow down! Come to my office and we'll talk." Zoe suggested, hoping Tom follow agree.

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"Okay, start from the beginning."

" After we argued, I took your advice and called her. She didn't reply and since then I haven't heard anything from her."

"Do you think something's wrong?"

"I honestly don't know Zoe. But what if I pushed her away? I mean, I did totally like leave her hanging. A good boyfriend wouldn't do that, would he?"

Zoe stumbled a bit, she had never heard Tom call himself Sam's boyfriend before. She quickly composed herself, before answering, " Look Tom, we don't have any evidence to suggest that there is anything wrong, she might just be ill." Zoe reasoned, hoping that she was right.

"But wouldn't she have rung by now?"

"Tom! I'm sure everything is fine, now please stop worrying!"

" Sorry, I just can't stop thinking about her. I really care about her, you know."

" I know you do. Are you alright to finish your shift?"

Tom nodded.

"Okay, umm, I could you know well ring Dylan, I mean he might know something, would that reassure you?"

"Thanks."

"You're welcome." And she meant it.

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"Dylan Keogh speaking."

"Dylan, it's Zoe."

"Oh, right. Umm, everything alright?"

"It's Sam. She and Tom argued yesterday, she stormed out and nobody's heard from her since." She tried to put this carefully, she knew still carried a torch for her and didn't want aggravate him by mentioning Tom. He was after all, the reason why Dylan left.

"And why do you automatically come to me?"

"Come on Dylan, don't be like this! We just want to know if she's alright."

" I don't know Zoe. I haven't actually talked to her since she left."

"Okay, well thanks. Bye." Zoe hung up and thought about Sam and Dylan's disastrous relationship. It was obvious that he still loved her, but she had moved on. Although, secretly, Zoe knew that Sam still cares for Dylan. She just wants to be friends, but he shuts her off. And that hurt her. Especially on the day when Dylan left, when Sam knew he was leaving because she was seeing someone else. She'd hoped he'd moved on, when obviously he hadn't.

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Tom checked his phone. Still nothing. He decided he go round tonight, check if she was alright. He fished her spare key out of his pocket, and began the journey to her house.

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**Okay! Chapter 4 done! I don't know if this was too short, but I really wanted the next chapter to be Sam's house. Thanks for reading!**

**Hannahxx**


	5. Chapter 5 : Her House

**Chapter 5! I'd like to thank everyone who has reviewed, (especially Minxheart, who has reviewed every chapter) after a long day at school, it makes my day to comegnome and read reviews that people have wrote. It's nice to know you have readers! Anyways, enjoy! :)**

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He drove in silence, wanting to clear his head. He sincerely hoped that when he arrived would be greeted with a beautiful, smiling Sam. But he worked out the odds of that happening were about 1 in a 1,000. He still hoped though.

On arrival, nothing seemed suspicious. Sam's car was parked in the driveway, and the curtains were open. However when he looked further, he realised that the flowers in the bed looked very dry and the garden looked like it hadn't been tended to in days. Strange, he thought.

He rang the doorbell. He waited. He rang again. No reply. He placed the spare key into the lock and turned the handle. He paused, hoping he would hear a voice emerge from the house. No luck. As he went in, he tripped over a pile of letters, unopened. He opened the door to the living room and his eyes immediately fell to the table. On it, a letter, opened. Why would Sam leave all those letters on her doorstop and open just this one? Only one way to find out. He picked up the envelope and read the writing:

_To The Relatives Of Mr Oliver Nicholls_

Oh no. Not this. Sam had told him enough about these letters. She had written one herself. He just hoped he would never receive her's. He carefully pulled the letter out from envelope and wondered whether he should read. After all these were Sams father's words. But if it meant he could learn more about Sam's whereabouts, he would do anything.

_Dear Sam,_

_I thought I should start this letter off formal, with your usual name. Not Samantha or Sammy. Sam. I thought maybe if I said Sam it would be a bit more normal, like you could just pretend that I had gone away for a few weeks. And now I have, but not for a few weeks. I know you Sam, and nicknames will just remind you. Not that I want you to forget, not ever. I remember the day when you began your first tour of Afghanistan, you were stood at the airport, smiling, and I remember that I was so proud that you were following in my footsteps. _

_First things first. I'm sorry I'm dead. I didn't want to die on a battlefield, without being able to tell you how much I loved you. So I'll tell you now. You were three and I had just taken you to see your nan. On the way home, you asked if we could stop and get a biscuit because you were hungry. It was February, and the shops were packed with Valentines decorations. I found a biscuit, and it said: I Love You. You were too young to know that Valentines was about love between a man and a woman, so I bought you it. When I returned to the car, I handed you the biscuit. You read it, and then told me: "I love you Daddy". That was first time I told you I loved you, and you replied, knowing what it meant. Ever since, I've always told you I love you, everyday, no matter where you are. In Afghanistan, I'd wake up everyday and say it, knowing that you would hear me._

_I also knew that you always thought that I hated you for giving up the Army and going to be a doctor. I never did. I know how hard it can be, especially when someone dies at your hands and you can't give them a proper funeral. I know that Saleh's death will be imprinted in your mind and you will grieve for his family. You just needed a fresh start, and you got one. You started a new life, broke up with your husband and began a relationship with a rather handsome fella! Dylan should be jealous! _

_I must finish soon before someone finds me crying here. You know, I always imagined what it would be like to receive your letter. You are reckless Sam, and always will be. I imagined I'd be sat in my room, when they'd be a knock at the door. They would enter, with a solemn look on their face. They'd hand me the letter, then walk out. I know what would have happened. You would thrust yourself into danger, to save someone else's. I always thought it would be the death of you. Turned out I was wrong. Most people would perceive you reckless, selfish and the death of somebody. But you're not. You care so much that you would rather save them, than save yourself. Now I'm gone, I'm not there to tell you that you need to be careful. So many people care about you, and it would break their hearts if you died. Just as it's probably breaking your heart to read this letter. You know how much it hurts, so don't put anybody through this pain. Please._

_I want you to live long Sam, have children and grow old. Don't make the same mistake that I did._

_Whenever I went, you always told me not to say goodbye. If you say goodbye, then it sound like it could be the last time. And now it is. So Sammy, Samantha, Sam:_

_For the last time,_

_Goodbye, I love you._

_Love from Daddy xxx_

Tom sat there, crying. Now he knew why Sam had been so upset. And he knew what Sam could do when she was upset. He needed to find her, and fast.

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**Chapter 5 done! Hope you liked it. Please review and feel free to PM me. Thanks for reading! :)**

**Hannah xx**


	6. Chapter 6: Do You Know

**Here's chapter 6! Thanks for all the reviews, I didn't expect to get so many reviews! My medical knowledge is not the best so please excuse any mistakes. Loved last nights's episode! Glad to see that Tom and Sam are being more friendly (loved the line where Tom says "I brought a second opinion" and she says "Which means he doesnt know what's wrong"!) but what was going on with Tom at the end? Sam was clearly jealous! Also did anybody else find it completly predictable that the secret Jamie had was that he was gay? As soon as i read the spoilers, i was like he's gonna say that he's gay. Sorry about that ramble. ****Anyways, enjoy!**

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As Tom walked in, Zoe looked up from reception. She looked at him expectantly and he shook his head. She gave him a sympathetic look before heading off to treat her patients.

Tom could hardly bear this. It had been 3 days since he had read the letter and had no idea what to do with the information. It didn't hold any clues to where Sam might be, he now just had a reason for why she might be there. Every few minutes somebody would ask about Sam or a patient would ask if he was okay. Was it really that obvious? And as for her ex-husband, he had been no help at all. Dylan hadn't been in contact since Zoe had rang him; it was almost like he didn't care about her. Wait, Dylan. He might know, might he? But would it work. Maybe if...no, not that. Or what about... hmm, still no. It's the only option that might work and even if it meant finding Sam, Tom was not looking forward to this next conversation.

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"Zoe, do you have Dylan's number?" Tom asked.

Tom had decided to ask at the most awkward moment, Zoe was right in the middle of tying off a flowing blood vessels. She began to reach for her phone, but that meant that the blood vessel was no longer secured. As soon as she let go, blood streamed into her face.

"Eurgh! Tom! If any blood went on my shoes you're dead! Now, Dylan's number, my phone is in my top right pocket. Can you please take it before you ruin my dress or kill the patient!"

"Thanks Zoe!" Tom couldn't help but smile as he walked out of Resus. Zoe could be such a drama queen sometimes!

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After Tom had finished his late shift, he headed home and rang Dylan without even looking at the time.

"Dylan, it's Tom"

"Of course it's Tom, who else would ring at 3 o'clock in the morning? I assume this is about Sam?"

Tom sheepishly glanced at the the clock, he had forgotten that it was morning.

"Sorry! But yes it is about Sam; do you have her mum's phone number?"

"Her mum? What does she have have to with Sam's disappearance?"

"You haven't-, You haven't heard?"

"No, I haven't heard!" Dylan answered if it was completely obvious.

"Her father, he died. In Afghanistan."

"What? When? Does Sam know?"

"Of course she does! That's why I needed her mums number; she might know where Sam is, or even better she might be with Sam."

"Oh, good umm... idea, Tom. I'll be right back"

Dylan returned with the number and gave it Tom.

"Thanks Dylan, I'll tell you if I hear any more news about Sam."

"You're welcome." Dylan put down the phone. Oh Sam, why do you have to be so stupid?

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**Chapter 6 done! I know this chapter has a lot of talking in so the next chapter will focus more on Tom's feelings, I promise! Next update should be pretty soon because as soon as I have uploaded this chapter I'm going to start writing it. Please review and feel free to PM me. Thanks for reading!**

**Hannah xx**


	7. Chapter 7: America

**Here's chapter 7! Thanks for all the reviews! This chapter will mainly focus on Tom's feelings. Anyways, enjoy!**

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He had packed for at least a week. He didn't know how long he would take so he packed as much as he could. Once he was in touch with her mother, he learned that her father's funeral was in 2 days, in America. Apparently Sam's parents had moved there as soon as Sam was old enough to fend for herself. Her mother hadn't seen Sam and still didn't know Sam was AWOL. Tom knew that if Sam was anywhere, she would be with her father. She was much closer to him than her mother, he could tell. He knew America was a long way and Sam might not even be there, but for her, he would do anything.

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He had just seated himself on the plane when he turned to ask Sam what film she wanted to watch. Then he realised she wasn't there. He'd been doing this a lot lately; he was just so used to having her around. At home, he often found himself cooking her favourite meal or putting on her favourite movie. He felt empty without Sam, sure they'd had some bad times, but he was totally as hell that he'd never love another woman like he did Sam. She was stubborn, beautiful, infuriating, cute, reckless but most of all, she was never selfish. He knew that Sam had a very short temper and often did reckless and dangerous things, but they were always to help somebody else. Ever since he first saw her, when she went back to rescue more casualties from the explosion, he knew that's what he loved about her. She was persistent and never gave up. She always got her own way. She could twist anyone around her little finger. But never for herself. She might lie, but it would save someone else.

He felt his phone buzz in his pocket, Zoe

_R u there yet? Thinking about u and Sam._

Tom felt a faint sense of happiness overwhelm him. He knew that Sam and Zoe were good friends, and that she cared. It was nice to know he wasn't alone, and that someone was thinking of him too. He couldn't help but smile as he read her text and neither could he when he replied.

_Nearly, a few more hours._

_What r u going 2 do when u arrive?  
_

_Sam's mum gave me the address of the funeral, I'm going to look round there.  
_

_Okay. Good luck, we're thinking of u and her. xx  
_

Tom pocketed his phone before settling down to get some rest. When he got there, he'd need all his strength to find Sam._  
_

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He awoke just as the plane was landing. After unbuckling his seatbelt, he gathered his bags and and got off the plane. He took a taxi to the nearest hotel and, after leaving his bags, he looked at the address Sam's mum had given her and went to find Sam.

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**Chapter 7 done! I think you all know what's coming up in the next chapter, but it's the ending I need help with. I could either:**

**A) Give them a happy but sad ending where they both leave Holby (kind of like the ending that Ruth and Jay got when they left)**

**Or**

**B) Keep things the way they are**

**Or**

**C) You, my lovely readers, can suggest something!**

**If nobody does suggest then I will go with A because I have a few ideas. Oh and don't worry, there will be a few more chapters before the end!**

**Please review and feel free to PM me!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Hannah xx**


	8. Chapter 8: Lost and Found

**Here's chapter 8! Had a bit of writers block lately, and I'm meant to be doing English Homework now but I have writers block on that to! Decided to take a break and write at bit more of this fanfic. Thank you for all your lovely reviews, in answer to the question I asked on Chapter 7, 'Ordinarycasgirl' gave me an idea to sort of combine them together (thanks for that review, BTW!), so this fanfic may be longer than I anticipated but never mind! Oh and I don't really know much of the geographical side of America, so if I get anything wrong please excuse me! Anyways, enjoy!**

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He fingered the address in hand. This was the place. He didn't really have an idea of what to do, nor where to go. Right now he was stood in Central Park, right opposite where Oliver's funeral would take place. He planned to survey the area, asking people if they had seen Sam. But he didn't need to. There on the bench, sat a lonely figure. Blonde hair spilled down her back, and even though her face was mostly obsecured by hair, she still looked beautiful. What do you do when you find that person you've been looking for? Run up to them and spin them round, safe in your arms? He couldn't do that to Sam, not after what their last words were to each other. So instead, he calmly approaches her. Sits down.

"I've never stopped caring about you, whether I had a right to or not."

He saw the shock register on her face, and then joy.

"Tom."

She crumpled onto his shoulder, sobbing uncontrollably.

"Tom, I'm so sorry! So sorry-" She burst into tears again.

"Hey, it's alright, come here." He pulled her into his lap and wrapped his arms around her. He started to stroke her hair, one of the few things that calmed and comforted Sam when she was upset. He began to murmur words of comfort into her soft hair, trying to help keep himself from shedding a tear or two. They sat like that for minutes, enjoying the comfortable silence. Then Tom spoke.

"We were all so worried about you, you know. You didn't reply or text and nobody knew where you went."

"I know, I was stupid and selfish and horrible. I let you believe that I hated you, and I don't. I love you." That was the first time that any of them had said those three words.

"I love you too. Just don't do anything like this again. You have cost me a fortune." Tom smiled and she laughed, a beautiful laugh that lit up her whole face.

"Sorry! I'll pay you back, I know it costs a lot to come to America- wait, how do you even know I was here? You saw the letter didn't you?"

"Yes. And I'm sorry I invaded on your private life but I was just worried about you. If you had just told me earlier, none of this would have happened."

"I didn't want anybody worrying about me, especially you. I'm sorry."

"If you wanted me to, I could come with you to the funeral."

"Thank you, I'd like that."

"Now come on, it's getting dark. Where are you staying?"

"No where, I only got here today."

"In that case, you can come and stay with me." She nodded back, and he began gathering up her bags.

"Taxi!" He loaded her bags and felt a light weight on his shoulder as the taxi drove off. By the time they had arrived, she was fast asleep. He paid the driver before scooping Sam up in his arms and carrying her inside. He lay her down on the bed before quickly going to retrieve her bags. When he arrived back, he saw that she still hadn't woken. He sat by the window, watching her sleep, thinking how peaceful she looked, and how she looked the calmest she had looked in a long time.

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**Chapter 8 done! Hope you enjoyed that. Next update might be a bit later in the week because I'm struggling for how to write things and I'm getting a bit behind on homework. On a different note, haven't we had some strange weather today? (Well, at least where I live, don't know about the rest of you). We had a thunderstorm last night, and today its been a constant cycle of heavy snow, heavy hail and heavy rain! Weird! Anyways, please review and feel free to PM me. Thanks for reading!**

**Hannah xx**


	9. Chapter 9: I'll Be There

**Here's chapter 9! So sorry I haven't updated in days, had a mountain of homework. Updates are more likely now to be less frequent now, sorry! Thanks again for all your awesome reviews, they mean the world to me! Last nights episode was so annoying! Just when Sam was about to go and comfort Tom and say she was sorry and and all that, they cut it off! We could have had a lovely little Tam moment but now were just back where we started. We need to have more action between Sam and Tom, its like one week they're together, amd the next they're not! I think we should have an episode which focuses on Sam and Tom so that they can get back together (hopefully!). Sorry about my little rant. :) Anyways, enjoy!**

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She awoke to sunlight streaming through the window and the smell of waffles. She hadn't eaten in days and the smell made her feel slightly sick. Too late. She rushed to the nearest toilet and was violently sick.

"Sam? Are you okay?" Tom questioned, worried.

When she didn't reply, Tom quickly dropped the waffles onto a plate and followed to the bathroom.

"Tom? Where I am?" She could barely remember going anywhere with Tom, let alone ending up in a hotel with Tom.

"I took you here, remember? You didn't have anywhere to stay so I brang you back to the hotel. Now are you okay, because you look terrible, no offence."

Sam let out a small groan before adding, "Yeah, just the smell of food put me off."

"The smell of _food_? Sam you haven't been eating have you?" When he got no reply from Sam, he quickly added, "Sam, you need to take care of yourself! Listen, I know that it can be hard; my dad died when I was only 10."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"So am I." Tom said remembering what it felt like to lose a loved one. " But you can't do this Sam. When my dad died, I was a wreck. I didn't listen to anyone, I still thought he would come back. I didn't eat and ended up in hospital. You don't want that to happen, do you?" Tom asked, softly.

Sam shook her head, but even that small gesture was enough to send a bolt of pain through her head, where a headache had formed.

"Ow" She winced and Tom was by her side. He placed her down on her knees, hoping that would help the pain, and no doubt, the dizziness that she would be feeling.

"Better? Now if you don't feel like anything to eat, then you better go back to bed." He saw her protest, but before she could finish, he had shushed her. " Sam, you've been through a lot and need to rest." He began to help her up, but as her legs buckled, he gently scooped her up in his arms and carried her to the bed.

"Sleep well."

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He heard movement upstairs and went to greet Sam. It was 5 o'clock; she'd been asleep the whole day.

"Hey, feeling better?"

" Yeah, and hungry. Can you order room service?"

"Already done. This dinner is going to be delicious!"

"Dinner? _What's the time? 5!? _Tom! Why didn't you wake me up? I wasted the whole day asleep!"

"Sam, you slept through the whole day. You must have needed that sleep desperately."

Sam scowled at him, before swinging her legs over the bed and heading out of the bedroom.

* * *

"It's my dad's funeral tomorrow"

"I know, am I still allowed to come?"

"Yes, if you want to. I'd like you there. I miss him so much, you know."

"I know." Tom walked over to Sam and wrapped his arms around her. As she started to cry, he pulled her into his lap and rocked her back and forth.

"Don't worry, I'll be there."

* * *

**Chapter 9 done! Because it is a Sunday, I might be able to update another today or tomorrow because I have time to write it. In the week, I'm probably only going to update every 5 days or so. Please review and feel free to PM me. Thanks for reading!**

**Hannah xx**


	10. Chapter 10: All That Matters Is Love

**Here's chapter 10! So sorry I haven't updated in ages! I'm on half-term this week so should be able to get more done but I can't promise anything! Thanks for all the amazing reviews and everyone who has PM'd me their lovely thoughts! This chapter was quite hard to write as I've only ever been to 1 funeral and I don't really remember it. I've tried my best but sorry for any mistakes! Anyways, enjoy!**

* * *

"Focus, Tom"

He was stood in front of the wall length mirror, trying on the suit Sam had hired for him. He didn't want to boast, but he must say that he did look quite handsome.

"See, your handsome, an idol, she'll love you!"

He grabbed the hairdryer off the table and began waving it around like he was Agent 007. He began humming the theme tune until he turned around and saw Sam, stood there holding her phone, with a huge smirk on her face.

"I was just, umm, fixing my hair, you know. I mean you do it don't you?"

"Not by playing James Bond! Now come on let's go, status report indicates that we have only 1 hour until the funeral, Agent 007!"

"You're not going to let this drop, are you?"

"And let up the chance to blackmail you? No. And remember, I've got video evidence!"

* * *

Only a few more minutes until it's Sam's turn, he thought. She had chosen a short speech, as far as he had remembered, something that she rembered about her dad. He knew that she was never good at holding her tongue, but it seemed when it came to something personal, she could barely say a word.

"And please welcome, his daughter, Sam Nicholls."

Tom gave her hand a gentle squeeze before letting her go to the front.

"Hi, I just wanted to say a few words. I could stand here and talk about dad, but instead I would like to read you something. As many of you know, my dad was in the army. He always found it hard to come home to a normal life when so many people live in fear everyday. He then read a poem which became one of his favourites. He knew it by heart and could recite it whenever he felt down. It's called, _Does This Darkness Have A Name."_

_"__Does this darkness have a name? This cruelty, this hatred. How did it find us, did it steal into our lives or did we seek it out and embrace it? What happened to us, that we now send our children into the world like we send young men to war, hoping for their safe return but knowing some will be lost along the way. When did we lose our way? Consumed by the shadows; swallowed whole by the darkness. Does this darkness have a name? Is it your name?"_

"Dad always used to tell me that whenever he couldn't explain how he felt. How can you justify what has happened to innocent people? How can you make it right? How can you sit at home, in light and peace, when thousands live and the dark and fear of whether they will survive the next day? You can't. And he didn't. He carried the guilt of knowing that he could change somebody's life, and he couldn't bear that. That's why he joined the army. And now I will forever bear the guilt of knowing that I could have stayed and helped, when I didn't. We all carry guilt, but that will never leave me."

* * *

"Tom, what was your dad like?" They had were both outside, walking through the gardens. Sam had wanted some fresh air after the funeral, so Tom suggested a quiet walk, away from all the sympathetic relatives.

Tom was surprised by Sam's question, but all the same felt compelled to answer it. He pulled her onto the bench next to him and began to rub her palm with his thumb.

"He was kind, like yours. He believed in doing the best thing for me. Even though he loved me, he wasn't my real father. I was adopted." He watched Sam's face change in shock but he carried on, "I never knew my real father. Nor my mother, for that matter. I was adopted from birth and all I've ever known was my foster parents. I know they're not my biological parents, but they loved me more than my real parents ever did. It doesn't matter that they're not my real parents, does it?"

Sam shook her head. "I wouldn't care who they were, I'd just want someone to love me."

"I've been thinking. All our loved ones, they're back in Holby. Don't you think it's time to move on from lost loved ones and move to those that can still love us back? I think we should go back to England soon."

"I agree. I can't spend my whole life moping around. I'll book the next flight home."

"Okay"

"Okay"

"Come here." He held for a bit, before wiping away her tears and heading back to the car.

* * *

**Chapter 10 Done! I know that these chapters haven't really had much drama lately, but that will come later. I'm thinking of writing another fanfic, so look out for that please! Please review and feel free to PM me! Thanks for reading!**

**Hannah xx**


	11. Chapter 11: Home

**Here's chapter 11! So, so,so,so,so,so...sorry i havent updated! Had such a severe case of writers block as well as a mountain of homework! Thanks for all the reviews, I love reading them. Anyways, enjoy!**

* * *

_*FLASHBACK*_

_"Mum?"_

_"Yes, sweetheart?"_

_"When's daddy coming home?"_

_"We've talked about this Sammy, I don't know."_

_"But _why_ don't you know?"_

_"Because daddy hasn't told me. Daddy works to help people and sometimes daddy has to help longer than expected."_

_"When will I see him?"_

_"Soon, hopefully."_

_"I had a dream that he was dead, is he?"_

_"No, sweetheart. I'm sure he isn't. Now to bed."_

_*END OF FLASHBACK*_

"Sam! Sam, wake up!" She was tossing in her seat and he could clearly see that she was distressed. He shook her again, "Sam, come one, wake up!"

"No, no Tom." She mumbled, half conscious.

He shouted her name one last time, to try to wake her up fully, "Sam!"

She sat bolt upright. "Tom? What was it?"

"You were having a nightmare, I think. Do you want to talk about it?" He questioned, softly.

She relaxed back into her seat before answering. "I've had them ever since I was young. Ever since dad went into the army."

"Had what Sam?"

"Nightmares. The same one, over and over. I always had a dream that dad was dying, so real that I would have to go and ask my mum whether dad was alive or not." She paused before continuing, sounding confused, "It's been years since I had that nightmare though, that was the first time I've had it since I joined the army."

"The shock of your dad dying probably brought it back, is that it?" When he didn't get a reply, he looked to see Sam staring out of the window, transfixed on one certain cloud. "Sammm.. Are you there? Earth to Sam!"

"Sorry, what?"

"I was just asking a question. You seemed pretty mesmerised by that cloud there though."

"Sorry, I know it sounds silly but I swear I saw my father in it. I feel like I'm going crazy, everything reminds me of my dad."

"I know how it feels. Like suddenly the whole world revolved around your dad and you didn't know it. You see your dad in everything, in everyone. But it passes. One day it will. Until then, I can help."

"Thanks, but right now I think I'll rest. I get terrible jet lag you know."

* * *

England again, she thought. And rain. No surprise there then. Even though it was the middle of February and bitterly cold, it was still good to be home. She hurried through to the airport, where it was warm and dry.

"Tea?" Tom asked and she nodded. As he went to fetch the tea, she remembered his tone of voice. The same one he had used when he asked if she wanted that white wine. Just before he went and chatted up that girl. Oh god! She had completely forgotten about that; with everything that was going on, it had just slipped out of her mind. _I wonder if its still going on?_

She was so caught up in her thoughts that she didn't notice that Tom had returned.

"Shall we go?" He asked. She nodded- she didn't want to accuse Tom of anything yet, not until she really knew what was going on.

As they got outside, Sam suddenly stopped and stared out at the road in front of her. Tom tried to follow her line of sight but couldn't see anything.

"Dad!" She shouted and started running towards the pavement on the opposite side of the road.

Tom didn't know what was going on, but right now all he could see was a car heading down the road, right into where Sam was about to cross.

"SAM! Stop!" He screamed, racing towards her.

She turned round, and a confused and lost look was overshadowing her face. Before she even had time to turn back around, Tom grabbed her and pulled her out of the way of the car. She laid in his arms, and slowly opened her eyes to look at him.

"Tom?" She asked, unsure of what had just gone on. "What happened there?"

"You don't remember? You don't remember the car or your dad?" He questioned, confused.

"My dad? Tom, my dad is dead. And no, I don't remember." She shot back, offended that he could forget such a thing.

Meanwhile Tom's face grew into a worried expression, how could Sam not remember what had just happened. He thought hallicunations maybe, but either way he needed to keep a close eye on her before she ended up hurting herself for real this time.

"Never mind Sam. Come on, I think it's time we went home."

* * *

**Chapter 11 done! Yet again, so sorry I haven't updated. I went off writing for a bit and now it seems I have come back! Try to update ASAP but I'm moving house this weekend and don't know when we get broadband. Please review and feel free to PM me!**

**Hannah xx**


	12. Chapter 12: Don't You Worry Child

**Bonjour! Sorry for the wait! Thankyou for all the great reviews! As I said, I was moving house this weekend and guess what? I'm living next to one of my teachers! Boy, things are going to get awkward! Anyway, enough about my problems, what about Sam and Tom's? That preview clip didn't look like they were being very friendly to me (episode 28) But I'm glad that finally casulaty have decided to address the subject of Sam and Tom's failed relationship. Hope you can follow this chapter; I tried to do something different than usual but its a bit complicated. Anyways, here's chapter 12!**

* * *

Sam's POV:

_Darkness_

_Blackness_

_It was dark, and black._

_But what was it?_

_Where was it?_

_Where was she?_

_What had happened?_

* * *

Tom's POV (Present):

He was tossing and turning in his bed. It was one of those dreams that feel so real, like they're actually happening. In his dream he could see a silhouette of a figure, floating. But that was all the rest was darkness. It was filled with darkness and blackness. A shaft a light streamed through from above the water and illuminated the water for a brief second. He glimpsed a face, Sam's. He shot up in bed, sweat pouring down his face. He turned and reached for Sam, but his hand was met with an empty space...

* * *

2 Hours Before:

He arrived back to his house and settled Sam on the sofa. She was still slightly scared and 'out of it'. He went into the kitchen and put the kettle on.

"Sam, tea or coffee?" When he didn't get a reply he poked his head round the door and saw Sam staring outside.

"Sam?"

"What.. sorry, yes umm, tea please."

"Okay. What were you looking at outside?"

"Oh, that. I just wanted to go for a walk." She replied, thinking it perfectly reasonable to want to go for a walk at nearly 11 o'clock.

"Sam, its dark and it's late. Can't we just have a walk tomorrow?" He moaned.

"I'll only be gone 10 minutes, 20 at most." She saw his face soften, and used that to her advantage. "Please, I just need to time to clear my head. I was just going to down by the river, nobody will be there, I'll be safe."

"Okay, but only 20 minutes. Would you like me to stay up and wait for you?"

She could see he was tired, so replied, "No, go on. Get some sleep and I'll be back soon." And she was gone, into the night.

* * *

Sam's POV (Present):

The deeper she went, the darker it got. Not that it made a difference. Dark is dark- there are no shades of it. The darkness was pulling her down, and she couldn't stop it. The further away from the top she got, the heavier she felt she was becoming. A black shape obsecured her vision, and suddenly that weight was lifted. Tom was pulling her from the water, to the surface. He got to the bank and dragged her onto it. He checked to see if she was conscious, but she hadn't been for quite a while. He could at least see her breathing, even if she was barley. He lay her down and began to pound on her weak chest, once, twice until he reached thirty. He stopped only to breathe into her mouth, in the hope it might give her some more air.

"Come on Sam! Breathe!" He pounded again but nothing was working. He lay down on her chest in defeat.

But then, a small twitch. Her finger moved, he was sure! He began to breathe into her mouth again, and continued with chest compressions. She began choke, so he hit her hard in the chest once, to dislodge the water. It spurted out of her mouth, and she began a violent coughing fit.

"Hey, it's okay, just breathe." He murmured into her wet hair, as he pulled her into his arms.

"Its okay, it's going to be alright." He rocked her back and forth, trying to calm her.

When her coughing finally subsided into heavy panting, he decided to move her.

"Come on, you need to get to hospital Sam." When she protested, he quickly interjected, "Oh no Sam, you are going to hospital whether you like it or not." With that he picked her up into his arms and began to carry her into his car. He lay her down in the back, knowing that she wouldn't be able to hold herself up in the front seat.

He arrived at the hospital in 10 minutes; now was not the time to be worried about speeding. He knew that Sam wouldn't want to be admitted; she hated any fuss. He looked over at her, and decided she could stay in the staffroom for now. He gently picked her up, and hearing soft moan, he whispered, "Don't worry, its all going to be alright."

He locked the car before carrying her into the ED. He did a quick search, and was thankful that no one he knew was there. He opened the staffroom door, thankful that it was empty. He heard the door open behind him, and then a voice.

"SAM!?" Zoe shrieked.

Crap. Tom had forget to tell her that he had found Sam...

* * *

**Okay, first things first. I can not take create license for this chapters title: Don't You Worry Child as it was named after a song. Nor can I take full creative license the Sam water/drowning scene as it was based on S8E12 of One Tree Hill when Brooke drowns.**

**Just realised that the part in bold before I started this chapter was written about a week ago so some of it may be wrong. But never mind that! Loved last Saturdays episode and hope that this means that relationship might get rebooted again- and from the looks of that episodes 26-38 spoiler clip, it looks like Tam is certainly on the mend! And while we're on the subject of spoiler clips, it look like both Sam _and_ Tom have got some interesting storylines!**

**As always, please review and feel free to PM me. Thanks for reading! *Just looke at reviews and realise I have got 50! Yay!**

**Hannah xx**


	13. Chapter 13: She Will Be Loved

**Hey guys! Firstly, so sorry I haven't updated! Secondly, thank you for all the awesome reviews! Thirdly, have you seen the Tam? So cute! And so glad they're together again.**

**Anyways, enjoy!**

* * *

"Is that Sam?"

Tom looked back at the limp body on the sofa, and nodded.

Zoe rushed over and perched on the edge.

"Is she alright? What happened?" She questioned. Sam had been missing for 2 weeks and now Tom turns up with her, unconscious and soaking. What the hell had happened?

"There was a lake, and when I got there she was nearly at the bottom and I don't know what she was doing and then I got her out and she wasn't breathing and then she was alright but now I don't know!" Tom blurted out, reality suddenly catching with him.

Zoe had never seen Tom like this. He was usually so calm and collected, the complete opposite of now. She went over to him and put an arm on his shoulder. "Tom, stop. We need to get her into Resus and you're going to need a blanket by the looks of it." She stepped out of the staffroom and ran to Resus.

"Guys, we found Sam." Their relief was short lived however, when they found out just _how _they found her. "We're going to need a trolley, plenty of blankets and Jamie, Tom's going to need a blanket and some tea."

She led the team into the staffroom, where Sam was swaddled in blankets before being placed on the trolley and led out of the staffroom.

* * *

Tom's POV:

He watched Sam being taken away. He knew they were trying to help her, but he just wanted to take her back and hold her in his arms. God, how much he'd missed that. The last time he held her was 2 months ago. 2 months ago he held her, not because she was sad and needed comforting, but because she loved him. She wanted to be with him. She had fallen asleep in his arms, and he didn't want to let go. They were on her sofa, but he didn't want to take her to the bedroom in case she woke up. He longed for that. Feeling like the world just revolved around him and her and nothing else was important. You walked around like you were drunk, but you were in love. You may look stupid, but that didn't matter. As long as they liked you back, nothing mattered. He longed to feel drunk again, high on love.

But she had become sober. He had gotten so high, and he had made a mistake. She became sober, and so did he. Turns out, you can only be drunk in love when the other is drunk too. It's like when you go on a ride with a friend, they hate it and you liked it. But you can't love it, because you know that the other person didn't enjoy it. To truly love somebody, they must love you back.

Jamie walked through the door, blanket and tea in hand. He could see that Tom was deep in thought so he placed the blanket next to him and left the tea on the table. Tom had only just realised that someone else was in the room and quickly stopped Jamie before he left.

"Thank you." He told him, and he meant it. He was glad that someone would care about him, for once.

"It's alright. You know, she's lucky to have you." Jamie replied, honestly.

"Really? Do you really think so?" He asked, unsure.

"Tom, you flew all the way to America for her. Anyone is lucky to have someone like that. You care about her, and that's all she wants. As long as you don't stop, she'll always love you."

"I'll always love her, never mind if she loves me or not."

"Go tell her then, tell her that you love her." He said, and left the room.

* * *

When he arrived, they had just finished settling Sam.

"We've had to put her in a coma because of what happened, but she should wake up soon. You can sit with her, if you want?" Zoe suggested.

"I don't know if I can Zoe. She's only in this mess because of me and-"

Zoe interrupted as if she hadn't even heard him, "Do you love her?"

"What?" He exclaimed, confused.

"I said: Do you love her?" She repeated her question.

"Yes but-" He once again interrupted by Zoe.

"No Tom, Do you love her?" She repeated the third time, stressing that he just answer the question.

He eventually gave in, "Yes."

"Then go and sit with her."

He slowly walked towards the bed, and took a seat in the chair next to it.

"Hi." He started off awkwardly, not knowing what to say.

"I was talking with Jamie earlier, and umm... well we just talked. He said that you were lucky to have me, but that's not true. I'm lucky to have you. You managed to cope for all this time, and I never even realised what was happening. I know we weren't officially together then, but I should have helped. And there's just something I want you to know. I'm not very good with words like this, but I found a song that says it all, I think."

He scrolled through his phone until he found the song, and pressed play.

_Beauty queen of only eighteen_  
_She had some trouble with herself_  
_He was always there to help her_  
_She always belonged to someone else_

_I drove for miles and miles and wound up at your door_  
_I've had you so many times but somehow I want more_

_I don't mind spending every day_  
_Out on your corner in the pouring rain_  
_Look for the girl with the broken smile_  
_Ask her if she wants to stay awhile_  
_And she will be loved_  
_And she will be loved_

_Tap on my window, knock on my door_  
_I want to make you feel beautiful_  
_I know I tend to get so insecure_  
_It doesn't matter anymore_

_It's not always rainbows and butterflies_  
_It's compromise that moves us along, yeah_  
_My heart is full and my door's always open_  
_You come anytime you want, yeah._

_I don't mind spending every day_  
_Out on your corner in the pouring rain_  
_Look for the girl with the broken smile_  
_Ask her if she wants to stay awhile_  
_And she will be loved_  
_And she will be loved_  
_And she will be loved_  
_And she will be loved_

_I know where you hide alone in your car_  
_Know all of the things that make you who you are_  
_I know that goodbye means nothing at all_  
_Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls_

_I don't mind spending every day_  
_Out on your corner in the pouring rain, oh._  
_Look for the girl with the broken smile_  
_Ask her if she wants to stay awhile_  
_And she will be loved_  
_And she will be loved_  
_And she will be loved_

_And she will be loved..._

* * *

**The song here is 'She Will Be Loved' By Maroon 5. I didn't include all of it, only the relevant lyrics. This fanfic should nearing its end soon, only a few more chapters! Oh, and congratulations to Charlotte and Oliver on their engagement! I'm so happy for them! As always, please review and feel free to PM me! Thanks for reading!**

**Hannah xxx**


	14. Chapter 14: What The Future Holds

**Hello! I'm back (I think)! Sorry I haven't updated, I decided to take a break from writing and read other fanfics, which has definitely helped me to get back to writing. I really want to start another story but must finish my other two first! Thanks to all the great reviewers, I really appreciate it! Apologies in advance about any medical inaccuracies about Sam's state; I have never been in a coma and nobody I know has so I am just writing about how I might imagine it be! Anyways enjoy! **

* * *

Sam's POV:

_They say people can hear you in comas. Some say it simply to please the family, others say it like it is magical, like a fairytale. But being in one is no fairytale. Day in, day out, not being able to move, speak or communicate. Having lie there while one family member rambles on, and another doesn't know what to say. Being asked questions like 'how are you' and wishing you could answer them, but you can't. And most of all, that empty hole of blackness. I remembered how when I was a child, I could close my eyes and the blackness would soon transform into colourful patterns. Right now, my eyes are closed but there are no patterns. Just darkness. Oh, and you know how they say it's peaceful, like dreaming? It's not. It's like a living hell. Bound together by an invisible force, trying to escape._

_On the other hand, it does give me a lot of time to think. When I don't feel like I might be overwhelmed by the sense of entrapment, it can be fairly relaxing to just contemplate over thoughts. And I've been doing that a lot lately. Thinking about the future, and the past._

* * *

_You would look at me back then and think I was crazy. He was almost 15 years older than me and that seemed to be absurd. But not to me. To me, he was grumpy, social awkward and frustrating. To me, he was Dylan. And I loved him. I may have been young and naïve but at that time, I cared for him. They say opposites attract, but we weren't exactly opposites. We both never cared for a bedside manner, and found it hard to empathise with patients. I never tried to impress him, and he never tried to impress me. We didn't mind that. It was a comfortable relationship, maybe not like you'd expect a relationship to be, but to us, it was just fine. _

_Then we got married. Nowhere fancy, just a small reception at the local church. Few family attended but we didn't mind. We went home as if nothing had happened, and in essence, nothing had. We had always been together, but now it was just legal. He was a Mr Keogh and I was a Mrs Keogh. _

_But it didn't last forever. It started off simply, as it always does. He wanted a boat, I wanted a house. He wanted a dog, I wanted a cat. We fought a lot in those first months. We eventually settled down in a boat, with a cat. A compromise. I still wasn't happy though. And when I dropped the bombshell on him that I wanted to go to Afghanistan, it put him over the edge. I left within two days. I received a letter 3 weeks later telling me that he'd got a dog and given our cat to my mum to be looked after. Typical Dylan. He always cared more about that dog than me. A dog couldn't fight back, or argue. It was taking the easy route, the thing that Dylan's life revolves around._

_I thought I could never learn to love and its rules again. Turns out, love doesn't care about rules. _

_From the first moment we met, he always cared. The first thing he asked was If I was okay. He offered to take over from my duties of looking after the casualties. In fairness it was only because he didn't like flying, but I could tell he cared. And he's never stopped. Even since we shared that first kiss, it's been perfect love. Well, nearly perfect._

_I waiting for Tom to open my New Year's present to him. He said he would open it after the shift, in the pub, with me. I couldn't wait to see the look on his face when he saw what was inside. That was until I saw him chatting up that blonde. I didn't know whether to be annoyed or not. But then he offered her a drink and asked whether she wanted to 'talk'. Well that made up my mind. I never did see the look on his face when he opened my present._

_After that, and a few more arguments, we managed to get over it. He came to America to find me, and I realised he really did love me. He would do anything for me._

_And that's a good thing, because while I've been thinking, I had a idea. A very big idea. And I sincerely hope that Tom still does love me, because if not, I don't know what to do for the rest of my life..._

* * *

**SPOILER ALERT! The chapter after this is the LAST chapter! Yes, last! So please review, because I want to do a massive shout out to EVERYONE that has reviewed (if you are a guest, please leave your name in your review so that I can thank you too!). I'm still carrying on with I Remember but then I'm starting a new story which is quite different.**

**So, what do you think Sam's big idea is? If you read past chapters, you might have a clue :)**

**Anyways, please review and thanks for reading!**

**Hannah xx**


	15. Chapter 15 All That Glitters Is Not Gold

**Firstly, shout outs to:**

**mrytale2-5, holbycityandcasualtyfan, Minxheart, MusicMeansEverything, XxTassBxX, Katielou1701, Emily Wadge, Ordinarycasgirl, mimiam, LoveJacNaylor, EmilyBASE, Marianufc, witchy14, Sam2012Nicholls, slowdylan, Gillian Kearney Fan, abby99jones, caitlin, Dudeybob, KatWilliams101, Plumface.1997, tegan, CharlotteSalt, RetardedFish97, NDubzMeanEverything (I think your name now is 'xMusicIsMyEverthingx' am I right?), And to all the guests I can't name.**

**Thank you so much for reviewing!**

**So this is the one you've all been waiting for, the LAST chapter! Dun, dun, dun!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Sam's POV:

I almost willed myself to wake up, in a way. Ever heard of positive thinking? Well it seems that it does work - sort of. I woke up a day after my big idea. I suspect most people would need a rest after being in a coma for a week, but not me. As well as giving me time to rethink, it gave me time to recharge. People always tell me that I push myself too hard, work too many hours, never having a break. And I would never admit this to anyone, but they were right. I felt refreshed, and raring to go. I just hoped Tom felt the same.

* * *

It happened as it should: there was a lot of "Oh Sam you're awake!" and "How are you feeling?". I answered how I should, with polite "I'm feeling fine thank you's". But one thing that didn't to plan was Tom. I thought he would be first person I'd see, maybe even by my side when I woke up. But he wasn't. When I asked if anybody had seen him, people would look round awkwardly, before mumbling 'I haven't seen him lately' or 'I'll go look for him'. I would nod my head in thanks, but I knew all along that they never intended to waste their time looking for Tom. The more time I spent away from him, the more I thought about not telling him.

I first saw him 3 days later, on the day I was going to be discharged. He and Zoe were stood outside, in deep conversation. I assumed they were talking about me, as they kept looking over in my direction. Zoe looked like she was pleading with him, and he seemed to eventually give in. She patted him on the shoulder and he watched her walk away. Turning to me, he hesitantly pushed open the door and came to stand by the bed I was perched on.

"Hi." He said, giving me a small, awkward smile.

"Hi." I replied back, restraining myself.

"How are you feeling? He asked.

Ignoring his question, I got straight to the point, "Why haven't you come to see me?"

He looked around nervously then, and I could see the guilt in his eyes. But there was something else to, shock.

"I didn't think you'd want to see me." He stated, surprised and sounding like he was implying that what he had just said was obvious.

"What? Why wouldn't I?" I questioned back, completely at a loss as to why I wouldn't want to see him.

Equally, he seemed confused at my lack of understanding, "It's not obvious? Sam, you almost died! And it was my fault." He explained, a pained look on his face and the corner of his eyes brimming with tears.

I felt myself doing the same as it suddenly hit me how close I had come to dying. I wanted to wipe my tears away, but then he would have known I'd been crying. Instead, I pulled him into a hug; not just to hide my face, but because he looked like he needed it.

"Oh Tom." I whispered into his ear. "It wasn't your fault. I hadn't quite got over the shock of losing my dad and when I saw him, I thought it was really him."

"I know that, but I hadn't annoyed you then we could have talked together, and I could have helped you!" He broke into heavy sobs after that. I sat there with his head on my shoulder, letting my silent tears fall freely now.

* * *

It was 3 months since that day. A lot has changed, obviously. After recovering, I went back to his and we talked. A lot. That was when I decided to tell him.

* * *

I just said it, no waiting. Any hesitation and I knew I wouldn't say it.

"I was thinking of moving." I blurted out before I could stop myself. I cringed inwardly, waiting to see Tom's reaction.

"Oh, okay. Do you not like your house?" He asked, and I realised he didn't understand. He thought I meant moving round the corner, but that wasn't exactly what I had in mind.

"No, no the house is fine. I just that...well...everything thats been going on lately, it has reminded me of dad. Every time I go out, or turn the TV on, I see his face. I thought I would get over it, but it seems I'm not. So when I said I wanted to move, I didn't mean somewhere near here, I meant further away. I was thinking Scotland?" I suggested, hoping I had given him reason enough.

"SCOTLAND? Sam we live in Holby! Our jobs are here, and my house is here!" He exclaimed, much to my surprise.

I felt the tears welling up in my eyes. My perfect plan, ruined. "It was only a suggestion." I mumbled.

"Oh Sam. I'm sorry." He pulled me onto his lap, "I was just surprised. I know this must be hard for you, and I'm not exactly helping. If you need to get away, we'll go, both of us."

I smiled at that point, knowing that Tom would be with me.

* * *

And thats where I find myself now. Up in Scotland. We chose a nice cottage, right for both of us. After I told Tom, we went and said goodbye to everybody at the ED. They were sad to see us go, but happy for us.

During my time with Tom, I realised that even though I had been gone, I was never really lost. After all, 'Not everyone who wanders is lost'. And that what I was doing, wandering. Trying to make sense of what had just happened and trying work out what happens next.

'I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.'

* * *

**Chapter 15 done! Once again, thank you to all my reviewers, followers and ****favouriters! I would give you hug if I could. Hope you liked the ending, and I wonder if anyone guessed that was going to happen. I left a little clue at the end of Chapter 7 if any of you remember that :)**

**The quotes used in here are:**

**"Not everyone who wanders is lost" By J.R.R. Tolkien from The Fellowship of The Ring.**

**"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be" By Douglas Adams.**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Hannah xxx**


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